Intellectual party. I felt a little like talking, and using music to aid how I’m feeling. This is all becoming overwhelming, everything is taking over me. I feel like I’m losing control of my actions and my mind, I feel everything draining out of me. Soon I will disappear all together, against my will, and be somewhere new, sometime. There is a new era forming into existence, an era of emptiness. Do not be scared of the future, relate to it, I’m not sure what is happening to all of us, but it’s either something beautiful or something horrible, listen to the mp3 as you read this over and over. Discover phenomena.
First off would have to be my search for the right place for me for the next four years. I look West, and “There’s a feeling I get when I look to the West…” and I look East, to the familiarity of life, to comfort and ease.
Colorado College vs. Bennington College. I have seesawed through the pluses and minuses of both schools, and I cannot conclude a stable result. This is a big decision I feel, I’m entering a new stage of my life that can be determined by myself, and I have never had a decision with that impact yet in my life. Of course shallow factors still appear in the mix, parties, girls, fun & games during the nighttime, just about anything that my fever leans toward. But the other factors are the ones I have shuffled in and out of. So basically im dancing in this zone of confusion trying to find clarity in a proper decision. If anyone has any extra knowledge/experiences from either of these wonderful places, please leave those words in the comments so they can aid in my decision somewhat.
Next on the list is discussing this world of relationships. What happens with two people that can make them so in love with each other or so hateful towards each other? What’s the connection that occurs there? that works for both extremes? I certainly don’t know away, I don’t know why people do things to hurt other people…
“I pulled the trigger just to watch them run away,”
Or why people go to the pinnacle to make people feel something for them when there is nothing to be felt. I don’t know. Yet again we all really don’t know anything, everything is pretty much assumption.. But there is the feeling from finding someone that is atleast seemingly compatable, and I believe that’s what everything is for. The feeling that everything is working, and that piece of the puzzle is well in place, and is making it easier to put together the whole thing. It’s either that or the company from this person you cannot be without.
“I maintain, then, that while all the gods are happy, Love- if I may say so without giving offence- is the happiest of them all, for he is the most beautiful and the best.”
Relationships are cool I guess, stress and all, they bring happiness, they bring confusion, and they bring work to make the first one work, but most importantly they bring hurt. And I guess after all is said and done the real question is: Is that happiness worth all of that?. That statement is neither optimistic nor pessimistic, it is objective.
And of course there is regret. And never knowing what could have happened, and sorrow for misunderstanding between two. Because sometimes saying sorry isn’t enough, and that line is never crossed, and things are lost.
The reason this is called Loop, is for how many times these questions are asked, I’m not the only one, I do not know anything pretty much, I’m just another turn on the loop function.